Just a few more weeks and you will be here! I'm having a hard time sleeping at night; it's hard to get comfortable and I have a list running through my head constantly of what I want to have done before you get here. Last night my list was a little bit more fun than the to-dos that I usually think about. Last night I made a list of just some of the things I hope to teach you and your brother(s) and/or sister(s) before you grow up in the blink of an eye and the next thing I know I am standing in the door waving goodbye and sobbing as you leave the nest. A lot of these things will be for when you are older so we won't talk about them for a while. That's why I need a good check list to remind myself of how I want to raise you and hopefully it will be something you can look at in the future and think about.
Things That Are Important to Know
1. Have a good relationship with God. Of course when you are little we will help you get this started. You will come to church with us and pray with us how we pray. But there will come a time when you might get a little bored with all that same old, same old stuff. Stick with it though. One day when you are a little older, something will click. It might be an event, something little or something life changing, it might be something you see or hear through something else, but one day in the pit of your stomach you will realize that beautiful something known as faith. Search for it. It's one of the most important things in the world and no two people will ever have the same kind of faith or relationship with God. Work on it and talk to God just like you would any friend or family member. I can't teach you how to do it, you have to do that for yourself, but it's the most important thing I can tell you to look for.
2. Always put yourself in other people's shoes. You just never know what the other person has been through. You will sometimes meet people you don't understand, who are very different from you, or might just bug you for some reason. Before you make any kind of judgments, always try to put yourself in their place and imagine their circumstances. People can be different from you and that is ok. This philosophy is good not only in understanding people, but in understanding why things happen and can make it a little easier to accept things that you might otherwise have a hard time grasping. No two people are alike, and that is a very good thing. It will not only help you understand someone else, but will allow you to better understand yourself.
3. Keep an open mind/Try it first. Don't close yourself off from something you think you wouldn't like. Try it first, you have nothing to lose! If after you try it you still don't like it, then the worst that will happen is now you'll know something more about yourself than you did before. You can't imagine how many things in life you'll miss out on if you don't just try something first. It might be an ugly looking food that tastes so good you crave it, it might be going to a place you'd never imagine you'd like to go and you discover beauty you never dreamed. Don't let your mind limit you. You never know the people and experiences that might come your way from just trying something.
4. Act your age. When you are young, all you try to do is act older. But the secret is that once you are older, all you want to do is be young again. Enjoy every age. When you are 5, love every day that you wake up being 5. Learn as much as you can, play as hard as you can play, let your imagination take you anywhere. When you are 13, soak up every day of being 13, even if it's a little awkward. Have silly fun with your friends, sing your favorite songs on the top of your lungs. Soon life will be filled with term papers and exams and work; enjoy carefree youth while you can!
5. Make friends with everyone. Sure, you are going to have some friends that will be your best friends and you will just naturally be drawn to them. But never exclude yourself to only one group of friends. Be friendly to the most popular kid in the school as well as the shy kid who keeps to himself. You never know what kind of impression anyone will have on your life, or what impression you might have on theirs.
You will make some friends who make you laugh and you have fun with. You'll make some friends who you can trust with your deepest secrets. You'll make some friends who keep you on track and you'll be that kind of friend to some of your other friends. Have all different types of friends who you can appreciate for different things in life. It is very rare that one friend will be the person who you can do all these things with but when you find them, cherish them and keep them close. They will be the ever elusive life long friend. That is the most important kind.
6. Find what makes you happy and go for it. When you are young, do all different kinds of things and then try to find out what makes you happiest. Whatever that is, work to make it your life long work. Don't think you want to do something because you think it will make others happy or it will make you a rich person, do what you love. It's worth more than any amount of money or anything in life.
7. Get a job. This doesn't sound so fun but when you are still in school, get a job. Not only does this help you to learn the importance of work ethic and financial independence, but it will put you ahead of the game. Some people don't work until they are older and they have no idea how to act in a workplace environment. (The best CEOs are the ones who started working from the mail room up.) Not only does it help you in your future jobs and with your future bosses, but it helps you in your life. It teaches you how to manage your time and focus on things that are important. Plus it helps you to get a feel for what you really want to do with your life. You might think you really want to do something but until you dip your toe into a real work place, you'll never know if its truly right for you.
8. Go to college. As you will soon find out, we will drill it into your head that you need to go to college. Not only to get a better job, but to be a better person. College isn't just about school; its learning about so many different subjects on a higher level, learning about yourself, learning about others. Maybe I shouldn't make too big of a deal out of this, but college will probably be one of your favorite times in life. Probably not the book stuff so much, but the experiences you gain, the people from different places that you meet. This is where you start learning about yourself and who you are and what you want to be. For the first time in your life, you're kind of doing your own thing and it is fun, scary and exciting all at the same time. Of course we want you to have fun in college, but don't have too much fun. You are responsible for being responsible for yourself for the first time. Don't take that lightly. How you do in college is going to shape who you are for the rest of your life.
9. Don't get married before the age of 25. This is kind of controversial. What if you are lucky enough to have met the perfect person at a young age and just can't wait to be with them? I would never want to stand in the way of the love of two good people, but as a general rule, I think its best to wait. Marriage is a tricky thing. It's hard. Even if you don't have to care about a thing in the world, everyday a marriage is work. Being young I think makes it harder. You don't know yourself as well, you're still growing up and learning about yourself and changing and even if you know everything there is to know, then the other person might not yet be to that point yet. When you are young you are a little more selfish and in marriage there is no room to be selfish.
I say 25 because your early twenties are the perfect time to be on your own. It's so important to know how to live on your own, discover who you are, have fun with your friends, meet new people, try new things. If you happen to have a significant other during these years, be sure to support each other in your independence and experiences. If they are still a loyal and important person to you a few years down the road, then you probably know that it is right.
Marry someone who you love and respect as a person, someone who loves and respects you as a person, who you can trust, who you are not afraid to be yourself around, who cares more about you than he or she cares about him or her self. On the other hand, don't hold yourself out for the "perfect" person or someone who is your "type." There will never be someone who is perfect. If you restrict people based on a type, you will miss out on some really great people who might be exactly the person you need.
Ok, so maybe 25 isn't the magic number. Maybe for some people (myself included) 25 still won't be the age at which you are ready and maybe you'll be ready by age 22. More than a number, just make sure you take these things into account before you make life long vows with anyone.
10. Don't forget where you came from. There might come a time when you think that you need to move far away to be who you want to be or do what you want to do. It may be true that for a while you will need to go somewhere to do something. But never forget how wonderful your own back yard is. It's easy to take something for granted when you're living in it, but stop to think if the grass is really greener somewhere else. Most times, you'll find that when you find some other grass, it's just not the same as the grass you grew to know.
The best way, ironically, to find this out is to travel. Traveling is a very important thing in life. Don't sit in one place too long. Whenever you go to a different city, do as the locals do. Eat and drink what they drink, do the things they like to do. This is as important in a city a few over from yours as it is a city in a different country. Learning different cultures and customs is as important to understanding others, as it is to understanding yourself and what you want in life. Taking a little piece of different cultures and bringing them back home just might be the best of all worlds.
11. Family is most important. Unless we are epic failures at being parents (something I pray every night that will not happen) then family is the most important thing. Family will be there no matter what. Other people will come and go in life, but the people who truly know and love you are family. I think it's very important to know where you came from so you know more about yourself. I have an extensive family tree for you that traces your roots. I won't go into detail here but I hope someday you will treasure it. The older you get, I think the more meaningful your family roots become.
12. Stop and enjoy. A lot of people say stop and smell the roses. I like to say stop and listen to the birds. There was a time in my life that I was so busy and stressed out and miserable and I happened to hear a bird chirping. It made me stop in my tracks and realize that I couldn't remember the last time I listened to something as simple and as beautiful as a bird chirping. Birds chirp every day their little happy songs and I never stopped to listen to it. How sad! It reminded me that I needed to slow down. Even people with demanding jobs need to take a break every day, early in the morning, or at sunset to sit down, turn off all the distractions and appreciate nature. It brings you back to something greater than all the busy things of the world and lets you focus on who you are and what makes you happy. Don't get so wrapped up in life that you can't relax and enjoy the simple things like the sweet song of a bird, or the wonderful smell of a rose. Life is too short. Enjoy as much of it as you can. The thing I want most for you in the world is to be happy. May God bless you with a long and happy life. That is my most fervent prayer.
Love,
Mom
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